Wednesday, 11 April 2012
The results are in from my blood work and sadly it wasn't what I'd hopped for. Despite having a few days of faint double lines by the time I went for blood work the lines were gone and so was the majority of the hcg in my system - another failed attempt.
I am honestly baffled by why I have so many failures, there is no real "reason" for this to be happening.
In total I have done four fresh cycles of IVF and twelve cycles using frozen embryos. Out of thirty-two embryos that Dom and I have created we have only Maxwell as success.
We have always assumed that my ectopic pregnancy is what started my infertility journey but now looking back I wonder if it was there long before.
When I was pregnant with Nick my initial beta levels were very high and the doctor highly suspected that it was a multiple pregnancy. Before I could have my first ultrasound I had episodes of bleeding and so the assumption was that I had miscarried one. My next pregnancy years later was ectopic which was only detected after multiple bouts of bleeding. Then again years later I finally had another pregnancy (with Maxwell) I once again experienced bleeding which was thought to be caused from a subchoronic hematoma in the uterus - thankfully around the middle of my second trimester I stopped having the bleeding and the rest of the pregnancy was uneventful.
You see, looking back I wonder if there was always "something" threatening my ability to conceive and I am now rather convinced that my two boys are the result of sheer luck... or miracles (depending on your faith)
We still have nine embryos frozen and we will likely be trying again in June but before that I think that the doctor and I need to put on our thinking caps.
Over the last decade I have undergone lots of tests to try and find the root cause.... I have done multiple laparoscopic surgeries, biopies, D&C's, HSG's, hydrosonograms, immune testing and we have added many things to my IVF/FET cycles to try and sway the outcome, I take metformin in case my sugar levels are the problem, I take progesterone shots instead of suppositories, I take added estrogen, I take heparin to thin my blood, we do assisted hatching in case the shell around the embryo is too thick...... and the list goes on and on.
On paper things look ideal, I respond well to medication and Dom provides "superior" quality samples (he actually had the doctor put it in writing lol), our embryos look good and my uterus looks supportive but once in there the embryos just don't want to stick or occasionally don't remain stuck.... It's as if I'm internally toxic and kill my babies upon their return to my womb. Something inside tells me that the root cause is something common and simple and that once we find the problem it will be easily managed but for the life of me I cant figure out what the issue is.
I go for my appointment with the doctor next week and we will discuss things then, over the next few weeks I will be focused on shedding some pounds and trying to improve my health as that can never hurt.
On a positive note, yesterday I went for a meeting with the school board about Riddick. After five years of begging, pleading, threatening and finally letting them "hang themselves" they now fully support Riddick being moved to a specialized classroom so that he can hopefully acquire some life skills to help him navigate in the world.
I may destroy my children in utero but once they are here I do my best to provide the best life for them - ya hear that tiny embryos.... you're missing out!