My family is perfectly imperfect and not a day goes by without humour, tears or tantrums. Blogging is the modern version of keeping a diary so feel free to read along while I share the good the bad and the ugly aspects of being me!

Sunday, 30 March 2014

PUPO - 2dp3dt

We did it. On Friday morning Dom and I went to the fertility clinic before dawn and transferred 3 embryos.
Two were good quality and one was so-so but the lab tech clarified that if it was good enough to freeze then it is good enough to have a reasonable expectation for it to continue to grow and develop.
I am now what those in the infertility world know as PUPO (pregnant until proven otherwise), today I am 2dt3dt (2 days past a 3 day transfer).
Now that I have added an anticoagulant to my daily medication I am beginning to get the oh the lovely bruises, they are war wounds I guess but they make me sore and not so appealing to look at.
I typically start testing at home on day seven but this time around I think I want to see how long I can hold out. While its possible to get a positive test at seven days its not likely until around day 10+
So even if this cycle works I may see a few negative tests before I see a positive one and those stark white pee sticks can be really hard on the spirit and they make positive thinking pretty tricky.
I am hopeful, I am thinking about what I will do if it works, I am trying to be more optimistic then my usual realistic thinking self. I have a feeling that the two weeks will fly by because all I want to do is sleep, between the progesterone and the Benedryl I am exhausted and am taking full advantage of the ability to nap.
The bloating has kicked in and so my wardrobe is now yoga pants, dresses and skirts, who doesn't love comfortable attire though???

Fingers crossed for the next two weeks!

Friday, 14 March 2014

Let's Get This Party Started

The time has come, I called in my "Day 1" and went in for my appointment.
Bloodwork and ultrasound showed that I have an ovarian cyst (big surprise!) and my hormones are a little elevated so I have to hold off on starting the estrogen medication for the moment.
I counted out all my syringes to make sure that I had enough to cover two weeks and I got the prescriptions to fill. Next check up is in four days. If the cycle is successful then I will need to stay on the shots until the second trimester which is the 13th week. The blood thinner isn't a painful needle, its small and gets injected into the fatty spots on the stomach; the progesterone is another story, its a big intermuscular shot that I give myself in the thigh. After a few days it feels like I've been running for miles and I get these cramps from the muscles spasming. I need to apply heat and massage the spots so that I don't get tiny lumps from the medication pooling in the muscle. Its rather unpleasant but those shots help support a pregnancy so they are extremely important. 
Today I also donated my unused (and unneeded) stimulation medication to the clinic, it will be given for free to a woman who needs it. There's no sense in me holding on to it and letting it expire. That's a lot of money to just go to waste. Hopefully it will help a woman become a mom.
Now my project for the next few days is to cut back on the caffeine and increase my water intake, I really dislike good ol' h2o so its a bit of a struggle but I know that water is the best thing to help the body function properly so its a small price to pay for good health.

Monday, 10 March 2014

Embracing The Journey

Its no secret that I've always wanted a big family and I have come to accept that there are two options in life, accept what you are given or work your ass off for what you want. I have always been the type to do the latter. I love the movie Cheaper By The Dozen, there is a scene where they are having breakfast before school and its total chaos, there is food throwing and a loose frog and big giant mess but every time I see that part of the movie I smile. I want that.
Cheaper By The Dozen - Breakfast Scene
I could have let losing the baby ruin it, I could have allowed my life to be quiet, to make a different plan for the future and move on but screw that.... that's just not the type of girl that I am.
I worked hard to create my family and I make no apologies for it, I know that its not for everyone, that it looks a little crazy and difficult and I am ok with that. I don't judge those who only want a small family or those who decide to accept the cards they have been dealt and change their original path so if others judge me then that's their problem not mine. My happiness just looks differently then theirs.
I debated about whether to cycle privately, to keep it a secret and just pop up 3 months pregnant never speaking of the multiple appointments or daily injections or worries that come with assisted reproduction. I didn't want to hear the judgement or comments that I have heard in the past. Something changed my mind, I saw a quote on Pinterest that said The Journey Is Just As Important As The Destination. Its true, I cant just have a white girl wasted night and surprisingly miss a period two weeks later. It takes months of preparation and planning and artificial hormones and I don't feel like lying about the mood swings that accompany them. There's also a second part..... My failures are a part of me, they have molded me into the person and parent that I am. They have made me more compassionate in some areas and more bitter in others. They have taught me appreciation and they have removed my patience for bull shit. Keeping my failures a secret minimizes them. If by some miracle I get pregnant I know just as every infertile knows it can end in the blink of an eye, I want to be happy in every minute that I have it and I don't want to do that secretly.
It took me 3 IVF cycles and 11 frozen cycles to conceive Maxwell and I knew the moment he was born that we would try again. Over the past four years we have done another fresh cycle and two frozen transfers but they all failed. I was diagnosed as a recurrent loss patient and underwent a battery of tests and surgeries/procedures to try and help. We are now thinking outside the box where medication and preparation are concerned and we are taking the approach of "if it won't hurt lets try it"
There have been multiple set backs because of Maxwell's health but we are now in a good place and are ready to move forward. Medical consents have been signed and I spent international women's day getting a uterine biopsy to try and aid in implantation after the embryo transfer.
Now we wait, in about a week I will head back to the clinic and start the frozen embryo transfer cycle.
I know the odds are against me, I am not naive to the likely outcome but despite that I still have some hope, sometimes miracles happen....