My family is perfectly imperfect and not a day goes by without humour, tears or tantrums. Blogging is the modern version of keeping a diary so feel free to read along while I share the good the bad and the ugly aspects of being me!

Friday, 24 August 2012

Bottles & Opinions

Many nights long after the kids are asleep I will sneak into their rooms and look at them, this is a way that my heart (and nerves) can forgive the foolishness of the day. It allows me to again see my boys as innocent gifts from God instead of leeches sent to suck me dry of all my patience (ok maybe that is stretching it a bit lol)
They all have their own little idiosyncrasies and  it makes them unique..... Nick always mutes his TV, its on but with no sound and somehow the sheets are always pulled from the corners of the mattress, Riddick is never in his bed.... he may be on the floor or in his chair but rarely is he in his bed, Kurt gets lost in his blankets... rolling like a cocoon and encasing himself is his method of comfort and Maxwell is still on the bottle - yep I said it.... My son is three and still takes a bottle. Are you offended? Are you judging me? Are my parenting skills less then you thought ten seconds ago?
I love watching Maxwell sleep, his eyes closed in peace and his tongue curled around the nipple quivering as he drifts further and further into dreamland.... if he asks I will also let him have a bottle during the day.
Somehow though this action is considered wrong as he is "too old", at least this is the wisdom that a complete stranger decided to impart on me while shopping at the mall recently.
I didn't feel like explaining that his bottle was full of pedisure in hopes of helping him gain weight nor did I feel like confessing that I would feel like a total shit for taking away a sense of comfort and security after he's had two years of poking and prodding and enough scary things that at 3 he already shows signs of anxiety. I didn't think that she would understand that I felt that so much of his life is out of his control that if plastic and rubber makes him feel like he is in charge of something then who am I to take that away.
I simply said "thanks for your opinion" and we walked away with Maxwell's bottle hanging from his mouth like an elephant trunk..... sweet and expensive strawberry pediasure dripping down his chin.
The bigger issue for me then this woman's personal thoughts about my parenting skills was why she felt the need to impart them on me.... why do mothers do that to each other in the first place?
Why do so many feel that their methods are the only right ones and everyone else's is wrong?
Being a mother is a hard gig, the hardest in the world and while there are different ways of becoming a mother the end result is all the same, its a 24/7 job where your boss is the most demanding person on the face of the earth and messing up can cause unrepairable damage. You're your own worst critic and sometimes receiving flack from other woman who have walked in your shoes or still are wearing them can make you feel the need to evaluate your own sanity. I'm not perfect, there are times where I see a mom and her kids in the store and I think "oh lord she is totally in over her head" but in all reality she likely knows that and doesn't need me vocally expressing it. Its possible that her kids have just come from a birthday party and are working off their sugar high or they have just come from a weekend visit with their dad and they are now subconsciously giving their now single mom a run for her money.... maybe she likes having her kids act more rambunctious then others - regardless of the reason I don't see how I have the right to say "you should control your kids" or any of the other rude things that I have heard escape the lips of one mother towards another.
How different would the world be if woman in general were supportive and encouraging of each other - something to maybe strive for in the future.
As for me..... people can be judgemental all they like, like a duck and water it rolls right off my back. Maybe the next time a woman voices her opinions to me I will loudly Quack at her - QUACK QUACK QUACK - I'd be more than glad to hear her thoughts about that!


  1. Cassandra: this is a great post. I have a daughter with special needs and people in public are very judgmental of her and me as well. Once when my daughter was having full meltdown at a store, this lady approached me to shake her head and state that I must be a saint. That line makes me angry. What does that make my child? A burden to bear, a horrid negative thing? No. Way! No saints here. Real people with real children. Support not stress and judgement.

  2. Btw my daughter with spd would reach for a bottle until she was six or seven. It was honestly one of maybe three things in the world that calmed her down.

  3. More then once I have been told something not too nice in a public place about my kids... get them a leash, keep them at home etc - and 9 times out of 10 its women making the comments. If people only stopped and thought about how uplifting and confidence boosting a positive statement or compliment is and paid those more then the negative put downs the world would be a much better place (in my opinion)