Saturday, 9 April 2011
Ok Ok I Get It
Today set out to be a pretty good day, The sun was shining, the breeze was warm and I was going to lunch and for a pedicure with my mom.
Afterward with my pretty lavender toes exposed for the world to see I headed for the grocery store to stock up for the week. Within a few minutes I started to feel hot and dizzy and it wasnt long before I was puking in the giant stone garbage can by the cart return.
I managed to drive myself home and simply yelled to Dom "groceries are in the trunk" before racing for the bathroom again.
The entire time I was praying for the sickness to be some sort of food poisoning because the flu would not be good at all.
My husband offered his own thoughts as to why I could be sick but made sure to say it from a distance because generally that particular comment would evoke a serious tongue lashing.
I stumbled to my bed where I napped for a few hours which is something that I dont normally do but I woke up feeling fine.
Later in the evening Nick expressed that he was worried that if I was sick he would have to go to the hospital alone and that I would be too sick to take care of him. Clearly he has more anxiety then he lets on.
Pretty much the consensus is that I need to take better care of myself, I thought that I was taking care of myself but I guess not well enough considering my body today basically said nah ah sista we're taking a nap and that is final!
Maybe getting everything accomplished isnt the same as taking care of myself.
Although I have never flown, the concept of why the parent uses the oxygen mask before their children makes sense to me, if you are not ok then how can you take care of them.
This past week was rough, Nick did his first chemo cycle, Maxwell had his MRI and I went to present in front of the school board's expert panel to get Kurt the best possible placement since he is being discharged from IBI. Everything ended positively, Nick is doing ok, Maxwell's MRI went as expected and I rocked the IPRC meeting and got exactly what I wanted (with the help of Kurt's fantastic teacher).
Maybe it was just too much to cram into 5 days, maybe the lack of sleep, excessive walking, hospital food and copious amounts of coffee caught up to me.
I have never been one that accepts help and over the last few weeks I have gotten LOTS of emails asking if there is anything that would my life easier or if there is anything that would help Nick etc and aside from a fantastic ipad and accessories (that was a surprise from the most amazing group of women I know) I have always declined any offers .... I simply dont know what to say. I know that people want to help from the goodness of their hearts but in all reality there is nothing that Nick or I need and I dont want this to be viewed as a handout. I thought about it today and the next time someone asks I will say "restaurant gift cards" ... while he doesnt eat much at a time he tends to eat often and multiple times during the day and night I am running to where ever his taste buds send me (try finding shrimp at 11pm - its not an easy task lol).
With the doctors recommendation that Nick should consume more calories it seems like the more sensible suggestion then anything else (but it still feels strange)
Tomorrow is a new day and I will do my best to make healthy choices and take care of myself because I certainly got the message loud and clear today.