Friday, 25 March 2011
Maybe I was a Possum
Today we got confirmation from the pathology department that it is indeed Lymphoma *sigh*... cancer.
Yesterday they were 99.9% sure but today its no longer a strong suspicion but is instead a fact.
We go back to the hospital on Monday for our "big meeting" to discuss the specific type and the treatment plan. What I know at this point is that his case is "unique" and not "classical in its appearance"
Leave it to my kid to be the one with the strange and not seen very often type of cancer......
As much as I would like it to, the world does not stop because your kid has cancer.
I could curl up into a ball and pray that sleep would encompass me for forever, that I would never have to experience the pain that comes with trying to make your son feel safe while you are terrified yourself.
I could easily turn into a blubbering mess, cry on every shoulder and refuse food because my stomach is in a constant knot.
I could be sad because my teenager decided that instead of new "kicks" for his 15th birthday he should instead get a PSP because it will give him something to do while he spends hours at the hospital and therefore is a more practical gift. Or sad that he feels the need to apologize to me for his cancer and ask me if I'm ok.
I could be angry and bitter, infuriated that its MY child that this happened too, that I have tried my very best to be a good mom and yet this intruder has invaded my home and abducted my child.
That other people are recovering from march break and we are recovering from life altering news. That instead of planning summer vacations I am instead planning to hire someone to help me so that I can take my child to chemo.
There is one comment that I have heard so often this past week and honestly it confuses me
"I dont know how you do it"
Really???? That's a silly thing to say, how do I not do it? What choice do I have?
I'm a mom and I have to do it there is no other option or maybe in a previous life I was a possum, carrying her babies with her wherever she went to protect them and keep them from harms way.
Sure she got tired and maybe at times wished that her babies could walk for themselves and not require so much from her but she loves them and if riding on her back all day and night was what they required then she let a quiet *sigh* escape, stiffened her back and shoulders to prepare for the extra load and gently gave them a boost to her back.
She knows that there is no point in complaining, crying uncontrollably or getting angry about the circumstances, her babies need her and wallowing in her own self pity will only make it worse.