My family is perfectly imperfect and not a day goes by without humour, tears or tantrums. Blogging is the modern version of keeping a diary so feel free to read along while I share the good the bad and the ugly aspects of being me!

Monday, 28 March 2011

Courage Is Really Just Fear That Has Said A Prayer

 Today we had our "big" meeting with the 3F Oncology Clinic.
There is no age minimum or maximum with cancer, little babies - teenagers all together in a room with one thing in common.
We got Nick his ID bracelete and took a number as if we were at the deli.
After quite a wait it was our turn. In a meeting with the Oncologist and Social Worker we were given the news, Nick has stage III Hodgkins Lymphoma. We discussed that this is a type of cancer that responds well to treatment and we were told that "if we had to pick a type of cancer this would be a type to pick".
I suppose that should be a relief but honestly .... it wasnt.
We discussed the treatment protocol and while they didnt tell us the exact medication they did say that it would be a three week cycle, the first week he would have to stay in the hospital and then the second and third he can stay home but will need to check in at the hospital for vitals and levels twice per week.
This rotation will last for 18 weeks and then he will do radiation 5 days per week for two weeks.
We were told not to get too attached to this plan as things can change in a heart beat but at least for now we have a plan.
Nick laid on the bed with his eyes closed during the meeting while Aunt Bonnie and my Mom took notes. Dom and I listened and much to my surprise at one point I started to cry, I did not expect that to happen.
It wasnt because I learned anything new or more scary then it already appeared, it was the mention that in additon to his hair falling out his eye brows and eye lashes also would too. He will be losing the physical feature that has stood out since the moment that he entered the world, eye lashes that most women would kill for.
It was the realization that within 2-3 weeks my son will "look" sick. I quickly pulled myself together because that was not the time or the place.
We now have answers and the time is quickly coming to begin the fight. He can do this, I know he can.
He may have got his father's eyelashes but he got my fighting spirit .... nothing will take him down without a fight and this is a fight that he will win.


  1. Oh! My God, Cass I wish I could run there to hold Nick (& you)so tight in my arms, as we all did when he was small,(like this was just yesterday). So hard being far away from the most PRECIOUS PERSON in your life. Nick will fight this no doubt but it's just not fair that he has to go through this......probably shouldn't be saying this, but that is the way I feel. My heart hurts so much but I will keep strong & pray so hard that the treatments work good on him & soon get back on his feet.........our sweet little angel.
    His Dad & grandpa's hearts are broken in million pieces also, they want to go see him, they want talk to him, they want to hold him, they want him to get well so fast......but we know at this time, Nick needs to deal with this & soon we can visit. GOD PLEASE KEEP NICK STRONG & SAFE.....BLESS THIS FAMILY WITH ALL YOUR GRACE. AMEN.
    Love always,
    Murielle xoxoxoxo

  2. Your Army is here at your side, ready and waiting for the order to fight along your side.

  3. Oh Cassandra! Please know that I'm sending hugs via my words. I feel terrible for Nick that he will have a battle that no teen should have to fight..
    It sounds like your close relationship is going to help him through this....

  4. I don`t know you but your post made me cry. I will add your son to my prayer list and will believe along with you for a full recovery. My thoughts are with you. As a mother, I can only imagine what you all must be going through right now.



    Wow!! You write so beautifully! I wanted to post a comment, but can't, because I
    guess I don't have an account that is needed. But, this is what I want to say:

    Cassandra, you are, indeed, an incredibly amazing woman! From the first time I
    started interacting with you, because of Kurt, I knew that you "moved to the beat of
    a different drum!" You are an inspiration! My father goes to synagogue every
    Sabbath. I will ask him to pray for Nick during the healing part of the service. My
    thoughts and prayers are with you. BELIEVE is my "word" and it has helped me get
    through many trying times in my life. I choose to BELIEVE that Nick will get better
    and be stronger, emotionally and mentally, because of what he is going through, now!
    Please count on me to be there for Kurt, you OR anyone else in your house! I can
    drop ANYTHING that I am doing, in an instant and do whatever it is you need doing!!

    With love, hugs, KISSES and prayers,


  6. Cass you are truly "Supermom". Too strong for words. All my love and prayers to you and your family. xo Kel