Fingers Crossed

Last week I went for my WTF (what the f*ck) appointment with my RE. His jaw almost hit the floor when I told him that we are going to move forward with IVF #5.
I'm sure he thinks I am nuts, he pretty much said so...  "you have done so much, why not be finished" he then also brought up using a surrogate and he thinks I am crazy for declining. Its just not the right choice for me, I want the whole package, I want the pregnancy and the baby. I know myself well enough to know that I am going to be sad and resentful the entire time a surrogate is carrying our baby, wishing that it was me instead. Truthfully I don't even think that I would need a surrogate, I think that with the introlipids and better quality embryos I will be able to avoid another chemical pregnancy and have it be the real deal. The plan was to save for the next little while and do the cycle in the spring but the doctor let me know that if the IVF OHIP funding starts on schedule in November that I will be able to use the funding and so we can cycle sooner than expected - it was a great surprise since I didn't think that I would be able to benefit from OHIP since I'd had so many previous failures.
Now I am back to getting my body into the best shape that I can by the fall. I've started taking CoQ10 for egg quality and my metformin to maintain my blood sugar. I am also back to eating paleo/keto and working out. Its insane what all the medications and the stress of cycling can do to your body.
I think that the next few months are going to go by quickly, summer will be here before we know it and we have big plans for some relaxing in the sunshine not to mention a whole bunch of birthdays, once September comes its back to school and then Halloween is here. I'll just be keeping my fingers crossed that the funding actually happens and nothing delays it. There are a LOT of families that are crossing their fingers for the same thing.