Thirteen

Today my husband and I are celebrating our 13th wedding anniversary!
In a world of what seems to be disposable marriages we are proud of how far we have come.
Its not because there haven't been struggles - oh boy have there been struggles but its because we refocus and remember why we started. We remember that we wanted forever, that we wanted a different ending than both our parents had. Over the years there have been many stumbling blocks, we face challenges daily that statistics show frequently end marriages. We have had miscarriages, infertility, adoptions, a child with cancer, a child requiring multiple surgeries and needing daily accommodations, three children on the autism spectrum, we have each at times struggled with insecurities and bouts of depression and we have not always treated each other with as much respect as we should, we've said hurtful things and even done hurtful things, we are human and flawed but through all of this we have learned things too. We have learned that we are different individuals and we have different expectations and love languages. Its taken a long time to learn the secret codes of each other, to realize that we aren't mind readers and that we both must speak up to be heard. Its like a dance that requires a lifetime to perfect. If we'd walked away before we would have missed learning the moves that make the dance our own. We're a work in progress, we are two good forgivers, two people that strive for improvement, two people working towards the same goal, two people who have learned that appreciation goes a long way and two people who want to create a life together that makes our children want to follow in our footsteps. Most importantly we are two people who know that despite the old saying marriage is not 50/50 its 100/100 and both people have to give their all if its going to last a lifetime. Every year is a milestone and we are excited to see where the next year takes us.

Fingers Crossed

Last week I went for my WTF (what the f*ck) appointment with my RE. His jaw almost hit the floor when I told him that we are going to move forward with IVF #5.
I'm sure he thinks I am nuts, he pretty much said so...  "you have done so much, why not be finished" he then also brought up using a surrogate and he thinks I am crazy for declining. Its just not the right choice for me, I want the whole package, I want the pregnancy and the baby. I know myself well enough to know that I am going to be sad and resentful the entire time a surrogate is carrying our baby, wishing that it was me instead. Truthfully I don't even think that I would need a surrogate, I think that with the introlipids and better quality embryos I will be able to avoid another chemical pregnancy and have it be the real deal. The plan was to save for the next little while and do the cycle in the spring but the doctor let me know that if the IVF OHIP funding starts on schedule in November that I will be able to use the funding and so we can cycle sooner than expected - it was a great surprise since I didn't think that I would be able to benefit from OHIP since I'd had so many previous failures.
Now I am back to getting my body into the best shape that I can by the fall. I've started taking CoQ10 for egg quality and my metformin to maintain my blood sugar. I am also back to eating paleo/keto and working out. Its insane what all the medications and the stress of cycling can do to your body.
I think that the next few months are going to go by quickly, summer will be here before we know it and we have big plans for some relaxing in the sunshine not to mention a whole bunch of birthdays, once September comes its back to school and then Halloween is here. I'll just be keeping my fingers crossed that the funding actually happens and nothing delays it. There are a LOT of families that are crossing their fingers for the same thing.