After four negative tests to double check the weird maybe positive ones that I had gotten I went to the fertility clinic for an early beta which came back not surprisingly at 0 - failure again, I wish that I could say that I was surprised.
While there we sat down and had a WTF conversation that pretty much everyone has after a failed cycle... What The Fuck happened and what should we do next.
We still have two frozen embryos that we are going to use right away and then we have decided that if that cycle also fails we will do another fresh IVF cycle with PGS.
I am conflicted about my thoughts on this but I have given it a lot of consideration.
In the end there are 3 possible outcomes
1. We transfer genetically sound embryos and become pregnant
2. We discover that all of our embryos are genetically compromised and I have an answer for all of my failures which I think is a huge part of my issue with moving on from treatments.
3. We transfer genetically sound embryos and I still don't get pregnant at which point I must walk away knowing that I did everything within my power to become pregnant and it just wasn't meant to be.
In my opinion any of those three possibilities are worth the $15,000 that this will cost. Of course its my hope that my last two embryos work and we don't need to move on to another fresh cycle but I feel much more relaxed and at peace simply having a back up plan.
Now I am just waiting to call in "day 1" so that I can start the process for the next frozen transfer.
I literally have all my eggs in one basket.... no pressure ;)