Seeking Greatness Outside & In

I kept my fingers crossed and had others do the same but unfortunately I did not get the financing for the second floor addition for the house. I could be frustrated and disappointed but I'm not, its a bit of a hiccup in my master plan but thats ok (I am used to hiccups) so I will simply have to try again next year.
The one thing that I have noticed lately is that I seem to have stumbled upon myself, that quest that I've had for years to "find me" seems to have disappeared. I no longer seem to thirst for the answers to the who am I, what am I all about, what do I have to offer to the world questions that have flooded my mind for years.
Over the last five months I have reevaluated every aspect of my life. I discovered that similar to Nicks lymphoma there were areas of my life that were as distructive as cancer and needed to be treated just as swiftly.
I have my weak moments but over all I feel strong, capable, and able to handle anything that comes my way, which often seems to be more bad news.
I feel as though my inner self is whole - that aching hole thats been buried deep has somehow been filled.... although I don't know how.
I no longer seem to be overwhelmed by my agenda or constantly ringing cell phone and while there are many appointments required for all of my boys, I seem to fit all of the pieces in place like a giant puzzle.
Nick still has months of active treatment and follow up aftercare, Kurt still has lots of issues surrounding his autism, In addition to Riddick's global delay he has now developed Nystagmus on top of his Strabismus and so his eye sight has further diminished. We are eight months into the wait for Maxwell's tympanostomy tube surgery and we've now discovered that he also has a lactose sensitivity 
Even with all of the chaos and craziness the inside of me seems to be on the mend and so I think its time to work on the outside.
Its time to eat healthy, lose some weight, find some style and have my outside match my inside.
In four short months I am going to be 30 which is the age that I have always associated with the non-nogiatable start of adulthood, no longer being in your 20's leaves no room for the youth excuse.
Life seems to be determining my path, Treasure Beyond Measure Photography is off to a good start and my foot is anchored steadily into the cancer community.While my children require more then most I feel totally capable of meeting the omnipresent demands that are a part of being their mom.
Its now time to stop dreading and dreaming and start DOING and I figure if I am going to be doing great things in my life and the lives of my boys then I want to look great doing it!